Tomorrow’s Fed Press Conference Preview

April 26, 2011

I’m excited a lot and I am sure you are too. Tomorrow is the big day when Ben Bernank presses the meet in what promises to be an extravaganza extraordinaire. The who’s who of front running and rigging will all be there for a gala event paid for with freshly printed tax payer dollars.

I got a peek at some of the press conference stage sets and they are just awesome. I also witnessed this morning’s walk through as planted reporters practiced asking their pre screened statements of adulation. I found out no one will get to ask any questions except one guy, Steve Lies Man.

Apparently Steve will answer his own question for Ben, then attendees will break ranks and head to Turbo Timmy’s Hampton retreat for a five day bash. This will basically be mostly a photo shoot with a few jokes about the dollar and foreclosure squatters.

You see it really isn’t a press conference but a celebration of a great man. This event promises to raise the roof right off the debt ceiling.

First let’s look at the set. I climbed the parking lot fence and crawled into the balcony and it looks pretty cool in here. I heard Fleetwood Mac was going to be there to play the Fed’s theme song, Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.

Other musical guests will be Lady Gaga and the person who sang the Titanic song.

Outside, as you can see, the lifestyles of the rich and famous all want to get a glimpse of the man we elected to the most powerful position in the world, our beloved Fed Chairman. We did elect him, right? That’s what I heard.

Here is my snapshot of a couple of Desperate Housewives during this morning’s press conference walk-through. The wardrobes were stunning. All the ladies were wearing earrings worth more than a subdivision in Florida. How cool.

Here is another shot of the stage set which appropriately will have Ben receiving his accolades in an enclosed bubble. I like the ambiance and theme a lot.

As I checked out the crowd, the man himself was spotted.

I shouted, hey Ben! I tried to touch his shoulder and got pushed aside by some big guy who stepped on my neck. Relentlessly, I got back up and then he spit at me but I kept going.

“Hey Dr B, can I have an autograph! One question please?”

Oh my God, he waved at me! I got the picture. I think I can maybe sell this. He smiled at me.

There he goes. Wow. I was real close to him. I heard he has gone into hiding much like Elvis used to do before his concerts.

I exited the red carpet area and saw Uncle Al. I guess he is going to be at the dollar shredding booth passing out cheese balls and wine. He seemed distant but happy.

As I left this morning I did catch Steve Lies Man rehearsing his question and answer. This I heard will be considered the transcript of tomorrow’s Q&A.


“Hello your excellency. What you really meant to say about the massive inflation we are experiencing being transitory is that when you are in transit, you will have a story to tell your family about paying one hundred thirty dollars for thirteen gallons of gas, am I right? Transit story? That’s what the Fed really means folks.”

As I listened intently the crowd near Steve roared with laughter. Steve smiled and fist bumped Maria who looked just fabulous. Her shoes were sparking with diamonds.

What an event this is going to be. Crapvision has already started their countdown clock and the stars are assembling. This just shows how far we have come in fifteen years. The Fed didn’t even talk to anyone back then and basically just did their job, which was so boring. Now we get to witness the first Fed Chairman press conference ever.

I would expect nothing less from our elected officials at the Fed. They are so transparent. And after all, our vote counts. We elected Ben so our voice is being heard.

I know stuff a lot and I’ll be snapping more photos. Hey!,there goes Eddie Joe Terror Nova!

This is so cool. A Fed Press Conference. Wow.


3 Responses to Tomorrow’s Fed Press Conference Preview

  1. End_the_bubbles on April 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Will he be providing price targets for the Dow, Nasdaq and S&P? Or does he just subcontract Abby and Lazslo for that “job” of ramping pieces of paper higher every day?

  2. Mark Walsh on April 26, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    You ‘da man, Ags!!!


  3. checkthisout on April 28, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    $4.8 trillion is how much the fed has printed for the us govt in the last 3 years. wonder why the dollar is down and commodities are ramping.

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