The Clowngress Countdown Story: Debt Ceiling 24

July 24, 2011

As everyone knows by now, Clowngress is meeting behind closed doors this weekend to hammer out a deal that would allow us to raise our countries debt ceiling a few trillion dollars so the corporate plutocrats can continue to keep their global stock market bubble inflated.

For the next several days of meetings, our representatives will assemble to acting out their version of the Jersey Shore. This financial drama is needed since HLN lost valuable air time viewership since no one cares about Casey Anthony anymore.

The already signed agreement to raise the debt ceiling will be delivered just in the nick of time and knee cap some hapless forex traders sending some secondary markets spiraling out of control while corporate America laughs all the way to the bank.

Anyway, here is what I found out about what our one party representative base will be doing with their time before miraculously claiming bi partisan victory.

Here is what debt ceiling countdown day will look like.

7:00 AM

Everyone plays Twister.

After making the rounds on TV shows, representatives and senators assemble behind closed doors to stretch their legs after a night out of heavy drinking with corporate lobbyists. I hope the lady and man didn’t drink beer last night!

Hey, that looks like Nancy and Bernie!

7:30 AM

The group assembles and calls their brokers to buy weekly calls as Apple is going to get a $ 1,000 target tomorrow. After the calls are made and the orders are placed, everyone grabs a table for a quick game of Hungry Hippos as breakfast is served.

8:00 AM

The breakout sessions begins with everyone playing a spirited game of Cash Flow for Kids.

The losers of the game have to pretend they are giving up something in our national budget to the other side.

CNBS promptly starts the bi partisan countdown clock that sends Apple up twenty point’s pre market. Representatives all make a shit load of money on Crapple Calls.

9:30 AM

The TONY DOW JOKES gaps up 300 points.

Representatives move on to play a game of Hedbanz.This is another really cool game that can easily force the losers to repeal a few billion in off shore tax breaks for their corporate sugar daddies.

It’s just a joke but Americans think their representatives are working hard for them only to find out their health care premiums will soon be going up another thirty per cent. What a riot!

10:30 AM

Markets have been programmed to stay in a ten point range as the TONY DOW flat lines up 375 points and the NASCAR 100 levels off up 65.

After working hard this morning, Clowngress is off for a game of What’s Rubbish. They like this game a lot as time passes quickly while everyone in the media worries a lot.

Representatives can’t lose in this game cause everything is crap anyway. They love this game!

11:30 AM

It’s off to lunch at an undisclosed location as caterers bring in millions of dollars of sea food, imported wines and liquors from different countries and serve exotic dishes.

Afterwards, Clowngress gets together for as spirited game of Money Toss to work off the food and spirits.

Contestants get to see who can sling a tightly wrapped package of one billion dollars the furthest. The losers have to give the winners their money so they can pass it out to their corporate sponsors.

1:00 PM

Nap time. Lot of snoring and farting is observed.

3:30 PM

Everyone gets together for a game of Monopoly Town.

Losers have to drink shots of Old Bushmills and play Twister again. By this time, the media has gone into panic as the bi partisan debt ceiling countdown clock has almost run out. The TONY DOW has added another 100 points and is now up 475.

This is a long game so losers can nap if they wish.

5:30 PM

After a hard day of negotiating, it is time for a stock market game, Chutes and Ladders.

Representatives substitute stock symbols for game pieces as they simulate what the gold and silver markets will do when the debt ceiling is raised at 11:59:59 PM.

6:30 PM

John Boner assembles Clowngress for a fun game of Sorry. He sneaks out of the game room to cry with a friend practicing his act for later tonight and returns to finish the game. CNBS goes to twenty four hour programming.

A DC 10 lands at Dulles with dinner ordered from Thailand and Singapore. Gasoline futures gap up. Sorry.

8:30 PM

Next up is a game of Battleship to decide what defense contractors get the big bucks. Cigars, smokes, booze and food are plentiful.

CNBS Asia is on and very nervous.

10:00 PM

By now everyone is tired, very gassy and half in the bag so one of the designated game distributors feels like messing with everyone’s mind and brings in Guess Who?

The debt ceiling increase papers were signed days ago so this game is for laughs and drama. You should have seen some of the guesses. Just hilarious!

11:30 PM

Futures are up 30 S& P handles but CNBS Asia remains in panic mode. Jon Boner and Nancy Pastrami were seen practicing crying and saying the word bi partisan to each other.

One last game before the debt ceiling is raised was played, BINGO.

11:59:59 PM

In a bi partisan compromise, Clowngress raises the debt ceiling by adding an extra 17 trillion that will be paid off by 2087.
That was close!

12:00 AM

S & P gaps up another 30 handles and CNBS Asia goes off the air running Carlton Sheets Real Estate info mercial in its place.

You can order next season’s version of Congress’s Debt Ceiling 24 in a few months when all of Europe goes bankrupt.

Clowngress promptly goes into recess until after Thanksgiving. The plan is to come back for two weeks of fun and games before the Christmas three month break!

Hi Ho Cherry O !


5 Responses to The Clowngress Countdown Story: Debt Ceiling 24

  1. Adam's Apple on July 25, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Ignore all the histrionics in D.C.

    Apparently, all anyone ever needs to do is purchase Apple stock, as an increasing net worth is assured with that easy strategy. Then again, most people can barely afford food and shelter, let alone $400 for a single share, although they probably have an iPhone, iPad, iPod and iMac, none of which are edible.

    Eventually, the rest of the market will follow the leader and new highs are assured for the plutocrats, while the rest of the world learns that Apple products can’t be eaten and eventually starve.

    Who is the fool that named the company after a food? Or was it named after the Apple that Satan tempted Eve (and Adam) with? Why hasn’t Jobs died yet? Deal with the Devil?

    Food for thought.

  2. 富士康工人 on July 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm




  3. checkthisout on August 1, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Right on schedule, today is the day and they are doing all of the above.

  4. checkthisout on September 2, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Tank NFLX, tank!

  5. Greenspan Screwed US on June 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    What the hell happened to AG’s Nightmare?

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