I Want To Be First In Line

November 24, 2010

If there was ever a song that describes what I feel about Black Friday, it’s Green Day’s American Idiot.

Don’t want to be an American idiot.
Don’t want a nation under the new media
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind f*** America.

Our country’s annual celebration of consumerism on crack is about to begin again. This is what we manufacture. Lunacy.

The new twist to this year’s mob festival is that greedy merchants have said screw you to Thanksgiving and will be open for business on Thursday. Are you kidding me?

My hope again this year is that nobody gets killed after the doors open Friday morning and that shoppers can peacefully go home with their new flat screen TV’s.

With that said, a Stoopid Award goes out to this couple who pitched a gadget base camp in front of a Best Buy to be first in line. Their reward? They get to spend a lot of money on crap and gadgets.

For this great act of American Idiocy, Crapple gave them a couple of iPads for free. Awesome.

Not sure about the service contract for the next year which could run them a grand. So it really isn’t free right? But the gadgets are, so it feels like free.

“Both iPad gift receivers said, “We just wanted to be sure the early bird got the worm. It’s almost like getting together for your Thanksgiving dinner. This is our Thanksgiving celebration.”

I don’t know about you but I can think of a lot of better things to do with 168 hours of my life than to be first in line in front of a gadget store so I can spend money.

Also, based on the picture above it looks like someone has been having Thanksgiving dinner every day in the base camp. Screw the early bird and worm crap. I can smell the Burger King Whoppers and Kentucky Fried Chicken through my monitor.

Now on to the Stoopid Award of The Year.

Remember Cody Willard? He’s back and he’s bold.

Not for giving Apple a $1500 dollar target but for this article. Let’s go one step further.

“50 app stocks that could go up 1000%”

“The resulting 56 page report is now called “Cody Willard’s 50 Stocks for the App Revolution” and it has helped me understand how we should be positioning the part of our Revolution Investing model portfolio that we’ve allocated to the this incredible market place. I’m offering the report to the public for $79.”

“And then I assigned each stock a rating on a scale of 1 to 10, just like my old mentor Jim Cramer used to demand I do before I’d go for my annual 1 on 1 pow-wow in which we’d go through every single position in my hedge fund portfolio and kick out the weakest ones.”

So he wants your money first to get the picks? Sure. Then he mentioned Cramer and I stopped reading and clown puked very fast.

Besides the inability of long term bulls to be right in bubbles, I’m sure Cody took into the account several of the following potential roadblocks such as:

The Smart Phone’s long term effects on eyes, the brain, car accidents, gadget addictions, price wars, the societal impact of unlimited porn surfing for toddlers, texting until your eyeballs pop out, and sexting. Or how about the plain old fact that using a phone to connect to the tubes isn’t revolutionary anymore and applications will eventually just be given away with content.

I am thinking of going into business manufacturing these nifty Smart Phone reading glasses in anticipation of this upcoming revolution. I figure this will reduce eye strain at least.

Congratulations. Cody wins the first annual Stoopid Award of the Year.

So enjoy Black Friday and the bastardization of Thanksgiving if you shop tomorrow. Myself and none of my employees at Takemystock.com are wishing you a happy Black Friday and Merry Day Trading Dad’s Day.

And a word of advice to all my fellow Wall Mart Greeters, do not say “welcome” when the doors open. Run away fast and grab an Easton baseball bat from the sporting goods section.


11 Responses to I Want To Be First In Line

  1. ding and bury on November 24, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    wall mart greeters should have baseball bats and tasers.

    it also ocured to me that the girls who won the i-douchepads for camping @ bestbuys would have been just as happy with a big burrito from chiplote

    i think your stupid award should just go the pathetic gadget obsesed country weve become.

    • Ag's Nightmare on November 24, 2010 at 11:10 pm

      Any gadget camper or door buster gets a stoopid award.

      I think we have collectively lost our minds. I loathe what Christmas has become.

      Think about it. Consumer addict one goes out and spends $500 bucks on crap for consumer two who in turn spends $500 dollars of crap on consumer one.

      Then they rip open the paper and say “oh thank you, that’s just what I wanted.”

      Then buy the damn thing for yourself if you wanted it!

      Better yet if consumer one only spends $250, consumer two gets pissed off at consumer one and never talks to them again.

      Ho, ho, ho.

      This has become seriously twisted.

  2. Nation of no consequence on November 24, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Your blogs shows how this country is a complete joke and everyone deserves the massive $hit$torm from all the imorality and consumerism and total sloth and disgusting filth which grows worse every day. Ive almost lost all hope.

    My own mother proves how screwed we are. She lost her job over a year ago. Since then, she stopped paying her mortgage in Febuary or March, shes gotten on foodstamps, collects unemployment and is now of the attitude that life is good. She happily just sits around watching the Tube as if shes on a paid vacation with no effort to find a job. Shes even getting the city to subsadize her electric bill which is higher since the Tube and computer are on pretty much 24=7 since she is always home with a full frige too.

    Did I mention she also gets SS because my Dad died 3 years ago. Shes only 58 but gets all this free money for doing nothing. Tell me why I and others get up in the morning to go to the few remaining crap jobs when this is going on nationwide?

    I think Im convinced the government wants this to happen on purpose to get more cuntrol of us.

    We will all have paid healthcare too right?

    • Ag's Nightmare on November 24, 2010 at 11:01 pm

      I did a blog earlier about how the Santa Claus rally started in September. Seems my satire since I started this thing has become the truth.

      I can’t get over how someone would say, “hey honey, want to camp out at Best Buy for a week to be first in line?” “What a great idea dear!” wtf?

      • ding and bury on November 26, 2010 at 4:49 pm

        since people dont have jobs but are still gettin govt cheese, why not camp out for a new gadget that will make them happy for 2 or 3 days.

        likey ou said people have lost there minds.

  3. I hate low life trailer trash scum on November 26, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Look at the cattle piling into Target {that name fits} and trampling over each other to spend money they don’t even have.

    Eventually they’ll be lead to their own slaughter just the same way. When that days comes, I’d argue that most probably deserve it based on what our society has now become.


    I hate low life trailer trash scum (ie- the U.S.A.)

    • Rum Wiggles on November 26, 2010 at 6:03 pm

      Wow, that’s pretty harsh sir. While I find many aspects of our culture quite disturbing, I can’t begrudge people wanting to get a bargain on things, particularly when times are tough.

      I believe gift giving in bad times is more rewarding for many folks.

      Too bad Bernanke didn’t drop by a bunch of the tents pitched at shopping malls to hand out some cash. Too busy giving it to the banks I guess.

    • Ag's Nightmare on November 27, 2010 at 10:17 pm

      Love the fat guy. Law suit Law suit Law suit…….screw it. I want my TV.

    • Ag's Nightmare on November 27, 2010 at 10:18 pm

      My reply is above. Did a short post on this classic video.

    • Ag's Nightmare on November 27, 2010 at 10:25 pm

      Someone on Karl Denninger’s site made a classic comment about his experience shopping last night.

      He said he was going to wait in line to get a lap top and saw the sheep plow into the store and said “I saved $300 dollars on the computer and after seeing the people storm the entrance I think I am going to spend my money on ammo.”

Follow The Wall Street Examiner on Twitter

Your use of this site is subject to the Wall Street Examiner's Terms of Use.