If there was ever a song that describes what I feel about Black Friday, it’s Green Day’s American Idiot.
Don’t want to be an American idiot.
Don’t want a nation under the new media
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind f*** America.
Our country’s annual celebration of consumerism on crack is about to begin again. This is what we manufacture. Lunacy.
The new twist to this year’s mob festival is that greedy merchants have said screw you to Thanksgiving and will be open for business on Thursday. Are you kidding me?
My hope again this year is that nobody gets killed after the doors open Friday morning and that shoppers can peacefully go home with their new flat screen TV’s.
With that said, a Stoopid Award goes out to this couple who pitched a gadget base camp in front of a Best Buy to be first in line. Their reward? They get to spend a lot of money on crap and gadgets.
For this great act of American Idiocy, Crapple gave them a couple of iPads for free. Awesome.
Not sure about the service contract for the next year which could run them a grand. So it really isn’t free right? But the gadgets are, so it feels like free.
“Both iPad gift receivers said, “We just wanted to be sure the early bird got the worm. It’s almost like getting together for your Thanksgiving dinner. This is our Thanksgiving celebration.”
I don’t know about you but I can think of a lot of better things to do with 168 hours of my life than to be first in line in front of a gadget store so I can spend money.
Also, based on the picture above it looks like someone has been having Thanksgiving dinner every day in the base camp. Screw the early bird and worm crap. I can smell the Burger King Whoppers and Kentucky Fried Chicken through my monitor.
Now on to the Stoopid Award of The Year.
Remember Cody Willard? He’s back and he’s bold.
“50 app stocks that could go up 1000%”
“The resulting 56 page report is now called “Cody Willard’s 50 Stocks for the App Revolution” and it has helped me understand how we should be positioning the part of our Revolution Investing model portfolio that we’ve allocated to the this incredible market place. I’m offering the report to the public for $79.”
“And then I assigned each stock a rating on a scale of 1 to 10, just like my old mentor Jim Cramer used to demand I do before I’d go for my annual 1 on 1 pow-wow in which we’d go through every single position in my hedge fund portfolio and kick out the weakest ones.”
So he wants your money first to get the picks? Sure. Then he mentioned Cramer and I stopped reading and clown puked very fast.
Besides the inability of long term bulls to be right in bubbles, I’m sure Cody took into the account several of the following potential roadblocks such as:
The Smart Phone’s long term effects on eyes, the brain, car accidents, gadget addictions, price wars, the societal impact of unlimited porn surfing for toddlers, texting until your eyeballs pop out, and sexting. Or how about the plain old fact that using a phone to connect to the tubes isn’t revolutionary anymore and applications will eventually just be given away with content.
I am thinking of going into business manufacturing these nifty Smart Phone reading glasses in anticipation of this upcoming revolution. I figure this will reduce eye strain at least.
Congratulations. Cody wins the first annual Stoopid Award of the Year.
So enjoy Black Friday and the bastardization of Thanksgiving if you shop tomorrow. Myself and none of my employees at Takemystock.com are wishing you a happy Black Friday and Merry Day Trading Dad’s Day.
And a word of advice to all my fellow Wall Mart Greeters, do not say “welcome” when the doors open. Run away fast and grab an Easton baseball bat from the sporting goods section.