25 Excuses to Rally in The New Normal

December 16, 2010

1. Bond Yields Fall. Stocks are cheap.
2. Bond Yields rise. Money is leaving bonds to buy stocks.
3. Bonds crash. Economy is booming. Buy stocks. Also the Fed owns the bonds and will monetize losses.
4. Retail sales are poor. Buy stocks. It was the weather.
5. Retail sales are rocking. Buy stocks. Since people didn’t have jack squat to do cause they are out of work, they bought stuff they didn’t need a lot.
7. A stock warns. Buy stocks. It was company specific.
8. A whole sector warns. Buy stocks. It is sector specific and stocks always come back in the long haul.
9. The whole market warns. Buy stocks. QE 3 is coming and the weather was bad.
10. Four connected people are convicted of insider trading. Buy stocks. The regulators care about you a lot.
11. All the remaining mafia families trade daily on insider information every day and no one does shit about it. Buy stocks. Just because, and they convicted four Asian guys. What the hell you want? Jeez. Leave the regulators alone.
12. Gas hits 4 dollars a gallon. Buy stocks. Just don’t look at the price at the pump. There is no inflation stoopid.
13. Your grocery bill just doubled. Buy stocks. I’m telling you jackass, there is no inflation. Suck it up wimp.
14. Corporate margins are starting to get squeezed. Buy stocks. The market never looks forward when it doesn’t want to. Right now it just looks backwards.
15. The dollar is crashing. Buy stocks. It’s good for exports even though we only manufacture thought bubbles.
16. The dollar is rising. Buy stocks. We believe in the strong dollar policy.
17. Gold is $1400. Buy all stocks except for gold stocks. There is no inflation.
18. Gold falls $100. Buy stocks. See, there is no inflation. CNBS hates gold.
20. It’s Christmas. Buy stocks. It’s seasonal. Then the January effect. Then 401k contributions. Then We have window dressing. Then we have end of quarter mark ups. Then we have IRA contributions. Then the Summer Rally starts in March.
21. Record mutual fund outflows for the last 30 months. Buy stocks. Think of all that cash on the sidelines. Wow!
22. Unemployment hits 10 %. Buy stocks. QE 4 is coming.
23. The market flash crashes. Buy stocks. It was just a bad tick.
24. The market flash crashes up then flash crashes down. Buy stocks. It was just two bad ticks.
25. All brokerage accounts go to zero. Buy stocks. The market is just discovering price.


6 Responses to 25 Excuses to Rally in The New Normal

  1. Ag's Nightmare on December 16, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    All reader, feel free to add your own entry.

  2. Capt. Arrrrgh on December 16, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Please disregard the Bernank and his money printy, the recovery is reeeeal! Buy stocks!!

  3. shorty on December 16, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    Dear Mr. Nightmare,
    Do you think an asset allocation of 100% long AAPL weekly call options is appropriate for my 107 year-old grandmother? I’ve been trying to convince her to adopt a much more conservative approach, namely diversifying into 25% AAPL calls, 25% GOOG calls, 25% NFLX calls, and 25% BIDU calls. Would this not be more prudent considering this money is all she lives on?

    • Ag's Nightmare on December 17, 2010 at 9:48 am

      Yes shorty. That would be good for her. Not me, but that sounds like a good idea for her and you too.

  4. cheeks on December 17, 2010 at 11:03 am

    this is too good not to share.

    Oh, and

    Mad cow, asian bird flu, e coli, foot and mouth all go pandemic – buy stocks, especially food producers – everybody has to eat anyway

  5. Guest42 on December 19, 2010 at 12:25 am

    Here are a bunch more.

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