1. Bond Yields Fall. Stocks are cheap.
2. Bond Yields rise. Money is leaving bonds to buy stocks.
3. Bonds crash. Economy is booming. Buy stocks. Also the Fed owns the bonds and will monetize losses.
4. Retail sales are poor. Buy stocks. It was the weather.
5. Retail sales are rocking. Buy stocks. Since people didn’t have jack squat to do cause they are out of work, they bought stuff they didn’t need a lot.
7. A stock warns. Buy stocks. It was company specific.
8. A whole sector warns. Buy stocks. It is sector specific and stocks always come back in the long haul.
9. The whole market warns. Buy stocks. QE 3 is coming and the weather was bad.
10. Four connected people are convicted of insider trading. Buy stocks. The regulators care about you a lot.
11. All the remaining mafia families trade daily on insider information every day and no one does shit about it. Buy stocks. Just because, and they convicted four Asian guys. What the hell you want? Jeez. Leave the regulators alone.
12. Gas hits 4 dollars a gallon. Buy stocks. Just don’t look at the price at the pump. There is no inflation stoopid.
13. Your grocery bill just doubled. Buy stocks. I’m telling you jackass, there is no inflation. Suck it up wimp.
14. Corporate margins are starting to get squeezed. Buy stocks. The market never looks forward when it doesn’t want to. Right now it just looks backwards.
15. The dollar is crashing. Buy stocks. It’s good for exports even though we only manufacture thought bubbles.
16. The dollar is rising. Buy stocks. We believe in the strong dollar policy.
17. Gold is $1400. Buy all stocks except for gold stocks. There is no inflation.
18. Gold falls $100. Buy stocks. See, there is no inflation. CNBS hates gold.
20. It’s Christmas. Buy stocks. It’s seasonal. Then the January effect. Then 401k contributions. Then We have window dressing. Then we have end of quarter mark ups. Then we have IRA contributions. Then the Summer Rally starts in March.
21. Record mutual fund outflows for the last 30 months. Buy stocks. Think of all that cash on the sidelines. Wow!
22. Unemployment hits 10 %. Buy stocks. QE 4 is coming.
23. The market flash crashes. Buy stocks. It was just a bad tick.
24. The market flash crashes up then flash crashes down. Buy stocks. It was just two bad ticks.
25. All brokerage accounts go to zero. Buy stocks. The market is just discovering price.